Whew.  What a year this has been.  How about we all take big deep breath together before we go any farther?  Inhale…exhale.  

That always helps 🙂

As we think back on this year and the many difficult things we’re all still experiencing, it’s becoming more and more clear that we’ve been given an invitation:

An invitation to relinquish control.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get really worked up about things that are completely out of my control.  

For instance, I don’t get to fully control the timeline of this pandemic-how long it lasts and if/when a vaccine is coming.  Though there are things I can do to slow the spread, I don’t have the skills necessary to be working on a vaccine.

I don’t control how others react.  How they react to the pandemic, to politics, or even…and this is a tough one for me…their opinion of me.

Ouch.

It can be so hard to admit that there are things we don’t have control over.

But when we do admit this, we are able to recognize a second invitation:

An invitation to fully focus our energy on that which we can control.

Think of a spotlight.  It shines pretty brightly, yet its energy is spread over a large area.  But if we narrow its focus, say to that of a laser beam, the energy of the light is going toward one very precise spot and becomes much more powerful.

That’s exactly what we get when we stop spending energy on the things we can’t control and start spending energy on what we can.

When I give my energy toward thinking about how long this pandemic will last or trying to control others’ reactions and opinions, then my energy isn’t as focused and effective as it could be.  

This doesn’t negate the fact that we most certainly influence one another.  But influencing and encouraging one another is much different than attempting to control one another.  And I’ve learned (from my many mistakes in this area) it feels different to the other person, too 🙂

However, if I relinquish control and worry over those things I truly don’t have control over, I can spend my energies wisely on things like my response to events and other people, the actions I take, the guidelines I follow, the behaviors or habits I perform, the work I do, the way I love and care about those around me, etc.

It’s essentially a practice in boundary setting, as well as a way to reduce stress in our lives.  And couldn’t we all use a little stress relief right now? 

So, what’s a practical way to go about this?  We can simply write down all of the things we’re focusing on, worried about, and putting our energy toward.  Then we can cross off the things that are out of our control and circle the things that are in our control.

And that takes us to the next part of this blog post:  dreaming again.

Often when our hopes get dashed, our expectations go unmet, or we live in a perpetual state of stress, it can feel so difficult to dream of how things can get better.  In fact, if you’re like me, many times we even forget to dream!  

That’s why I love hearing from our nieces and nephews or our friends’ kids.  Children know how to dream and to imagine.  They aren’t too afraid or jaded or stressed out to do so.  Rather, they almost naturally create new worlds and ideas and ways to “save the day”.  

I don’t know about you, but I want to be more like them.  I want to live in the space of possibilities, because that’s where the good stuff happens.

A second practical tip, then, is to look at those items you circled-the things that are in your control-and without editing yourself, dream up all the possible ways you can live out those things well.  Two methods that might prove useful as you do this:

1. Imagine you’ve been given a magic wand and there’s nothing holding you back.  What could be possible?
2. Pretend you’re five years in the future.  If you could go back and relive this time, what would you do the same or differently?  

By giving yourself the freedom to dream and to imagine what your future self would hope you’d done, you’ll gain clarity on how to live well now.

As we relinquish control and allow ourselves to live in a space of possibilities, may we look back on this time and say, “From the difficulties, beautiful things are created.”¹

Written by Brittni Paris, Wellness Coach & Blogger

Sources:
¹Haslam, A. (2020, November 11). Coronavirus: Youth orchestra’s digital Tchaikovsky triumph. BBC. https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-northern-ireland-54894241

Photo Credits:
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Photo by Kenny Krosky on Unsplash
Photo by Kiana Bosman on Unsplash