Have you ever experienced the frustration of setting a goal for your health…perhaps it was to eat differently or exercise more, limit your social media time or go to bed sooner…and though you knew it was a good idea, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it?

Then you feel frustrated and ashamed because you think you lack the willpower to do what you know is good for you.

Shame doesn’t propel you to make changes, rather it drives you to further unhealthy behaviors to cover up the discomfort it brings.

It can be such a hard cycle to get free from!

But something can help you stay out of this cycle, and it starts even before you try to put a new health goal into motion.

It is simply this:  recognizing the difference between “I’m thinking about making a change” and “I’m ready to make a change”.  

Thinking about making a change isn’t enough to propel you to carry out your new health goals because the desire to change hasn’t fully formed in you yet.  

That doesn’t mean that desire won’t come.  Eventually it does.  But setting goals when your own internal motivation isn’t ready to support you often means your goal will fall by the wayside, especially when there isn’t anyone or anything externally to motivate you.

How can you tell the difference between thinking about making a change and truly desiring to make that change?  Here are a few telltale signs of each:

Thinking About Making a Change:

• You’re beginning to sense your current status quo isn’t all it was cracked up to be
• You’re seeing the benefits to your health and life if you were to make this change
• Though you see the benefits of changing, you still feel the benefits of staying the same.  If asked, you can easily list the pros of changing, but can also list the pros of staying the same
• Your whole heart isn’t in it yet…rather you feel like you SHOULD make the change, but not that you WANT to make the change

Ready to Make a Change

• You know this is something YOU want to change, rather than something you feel you MUST do or SHOULD do
• The pros of changing far outweigh benefits of staying the same…”when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change”¹
• You’re in planning mode.  You’re not only figuring out the specifics of your new goal…what you will do and when and where you’ll do it…but you’re assessing challenges that will inevitably come up and what your backup plan will be

What does this look like in real life?

Let’s take a goal of eating healthier as an example.  If you were in the “thinking about making a change” stage, this would look like the following (in bold)…

Thinking About Making a Change:

• You’re beginning to sense your current status quo isn’t all it was cracked up to be.  The way you’re currently eating makes you feel lethargic and bloated.
• You’re seeing the benefits to your health and life if you were to make this change.  If you changed how you were eating, you would feel energetic and lighter, better able to tackle the demands of the day.
• Though you see the benefits of changing, you still feel the benefits of staying the same.  If asked, you can easily list the pros of changing, but can also list the pros of staying the same.  You would list the pros of eating differently as more energy, feeling lighter, feeling more like yourself, feeling better inside.  You would list the pros of your current eating habits as more convenient, possibly cheaper, fulfilling the cravings you have for certain foods, and meeting the need for comfort after a stressful day.
• Your whole heart isn’t in it yet…rather you feel like you SHOULD make the change, but not that you WANT to make the change.  You know that it would be “good for you” to eat healthier, but you don’t want to give up the treats you’ve been enjoying.

As you can see, being in this stage means experiencing ambivalence.  Though you’re thinking a change may be worthwhile, you still see the good in your current way of eating.

Now, what would this goal look like if you were in the “I’m ready to make a change” stage?  See below in bold…

Ready to Make a Change

• You know this is something YOU want to change, rather than something you feel you MUST do or SHOULD do.  You’re not making changes to your eating because someone else is telling you to do so.  Even if you had no one checking in with you (loved ones, doctors, accountability partners), YOU would still want to make this change.  You’re excited and ready to get started.
• The pros of changing far outweigh benefits of staying the same.  Though you know it will be tough to make changes, you’re so tired of not feeling good in your body that you see the pain of changing as less than the pain of keeping the status quo.
• You’re in planning mode.  You’re not only figuring out the specifics of your new goal…what you will do and when and where you’ll do it…but you’re assessing challenges that will inevitably come up and what your backup plan will be.  You’ve decided to start by eating one vegetable at every meal. You know this will be challenging when you go out to eat for Tuesday trivia with your friends, so your backup plan will be to eat two vegetables during Tuesday lunches.

It’s a different feeling when you’re ready to make a change.  The excitement is there, as well as the thought process of how to implement these changes.

What happens if you find yourself in the “thinking about making a change” stage?  Should you be ashamed that you’re not further along?  

Though it’s understandable that may be your first thought, it works better in the long-run to have patience with yourself and not rush this process.  It’s natural for all of us to start with simply an idea to make a change, and then eventually it will blossom into full-grown motivation to reject the status quo.

There are things you can do in the meantime to help move yourself along the change continuum.  

First, seek out the help of a wellness coach.  We help people through the entire change process and know the questions to ask and support to give to help you move forward.  

Second, continue thinking through the pros and cons of changing AND staying the same.  Using a chart much like the one below is helpful.  

Finally, assess your personal strengths and how you could apply those to making the health changes you’re thinking about.  

For the example above, if your strength is organization, then you would be good at scheduling weekly meal planning, grocery shopping, and food prepping to ensure you eat one vegetable at each meal.

Discovering you’re only in the “thinking about making a change” stage is actually quite hopeful.  Your struggle to stick with your health goals is less likely due to a lack of willpower and motivation, but rather a need to let that motivation further develop. 

Sources:
¹Quote attributed to Tony Robbins:  https://quotefancy.com/quote/922520/Tony-Robbins-Change-happens-when-the-pain-of-staying-the-same-is-greater-than-the-pain-of

Photo Credits:
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash
Photo by Kristopher Roller on Unsplash
Photo by Nikola Jovanovic on Unsplash
Decisional Balance Chart:  https://www.ahrq.gov/ncepcr/tools/obesity-kit/obtoolkit-tool14.html