Last week, I shared my deepest, darkest secret with you all.  I told you about ED, the terrible voice in my head that controls my eating and self-image… sometimes so much so, that I wonder how I’ve been this productive in my life.

As part of that post, I promised I’d continue to blog about him, about all that I’ve learned, how I view him, and what has helped me deal with him.

I want to start this post off by saying thank you.  Thank you for the phone calls immediately after posting my last blog.  Thank you for the text messages of support.  Thank you for the comments on the blog, and the emails, and the facebook messages, and the in-person conversations, and the copy room ‘thank you notes’ I’ve received.  Thank you for sticking with me.  I still sometimes cringe at the thought of that last post, “really Chrissy?!” but then I think back over all of the sharing that has taken place since then.  If you’ve reached out to me- my sincerest thanks go out to you.  If you have not, that’s ok too:)  If you still feel like you want to, I welcome that as well.

Now, before we get started, I do have to share one woman’s response to me here (She’s definitely one Smart Fit Chick).  I was completely impressed!

“It’s about the Ed in your head
Well, he isn’t very nice.
And to make you ponder food
Even once or twice
Ugh! How rude!
He’s a waste of brain power
And just makes you dour

Food’s the fuel for life
Don’t let it give you strife!

And they say that you are what you eat,
So some days I am meat
Or a mixed greens salad with feta cheese
Or grilled chicken with carrots and peas
Or maybe an avocado
From that I can’t create a motto
But then sometimes I’m a cupcake.
And now I say, for Pete’s sake,

Ed thinks he has the corner on just what makes me tick
So take it from another Smart Fit Chick
You are stronger than you think!
And you are powerful and sexy when you wear hot pink!

And the next time that the Ed in your head decides to make a peep,
Give him some attitude that will make him weep.

Declare: You have no power over me!
I choose to live authentically.
I am stronger. I am enough.
I am made of all the right stuff.
I am perfectly imperfect and that’s ok with me!
I am so much more! Just you wait and see!”

IMPRESSIVE, right???

Anyway, today I’d like to talk a little bit about the spectrum that I believe ED resides on for each of us.  In some way or another, we’ve all met ED.  Whether it’s a fleeting glance when you look in the mirror and believe your legs look fat, an abusive relationship to the point that it’s been life-threatening, or you’ve seen a loved one completely paralyzed by ED’s negativity, I believe (particularly as women) we have ALL met ED in some way or another.

Some of you may wonder where on that spectrum ED lies for me.  Well, some days it feels like he’s waaaay over on the really terrible end.  Never life threatening, but completely overwhelming and unbearable.  There have been periods of time in my life when it’s really been awful.  Then, there have been times when I’ve felt like I’ve been able to sit him in a corner, making him keep quiet as I live what I can only imagine is a life with “normal” body image issues (the occasional fat day or negative self-talk).  I’ll be honest though, there have been very few days that have passed that he hasn’t piped up to make a snide comment about something food- or body-related.

The way I used to deal with ED was simply to co-habitate with him.  I’d let those thoughts take place, allowing him to erode my self-esteem, little by little, until he had complete control over my thoughts and actions.  I used to not be strong enough to fight him off.  So, we’d co-exist… me on my side of the room, trying to ignore him and cover him up with whatever I could find (unfortunately it’d be food most of time) and him on his side, doing everything he could to make me believe that my worth was tied to my size.

But you see, things have been very different lately (even since last week when I posted about him). I think he may be a little bit scared about my post last week.  See, I tend to believe he wants us to keep this quiet.  He wants us to live our lives, pretending that he’s not there.  But what would happen if word got out that he was in a relationship with so many women?  I have a feeling we’re about to find out.

So, if the ED in your head just won’t seem to quit, I’d like to suggest a first step for you this week.  Notice him… Rather than ignoring him and allowing his thoughts to take hold of you, pay attention to him.  I learned that the first step (and one of the most challenging- more on this next week) was to recognize and separate out my “Chrissy thoughts” from my “ED thoughts.”  So, try and do that this week.  When you notice a thought, ask yourself, “Is this MY belief, or is this ED trying to control me?  Is this thought something I would tell my best friend?”  Because if not, I have a feeling it’s ED…

As always, thanks for listening:) Your thoughts are more than welcomed.